I’ve enjoyed massage for myself ever since a friend who was a professional massage therapist offered me a session over 20 years ago. She was very good and very kind. I began to travel for work soon after this and would seek out a professional massage therapist in whatever city I found myself staying. It helped me relax and was my introduction into discovering what it meant to have a self care practice.
Then in 2008, I experienced a herniated disc in my lumbar spine at L4/L5. I couldn’t stand up straight or stand up for any length of time. I was in an enormous amount of pain and my orthopedic surgeon wanted to perform surgery. When I asked him what the odds were of healing without having surgery, I was astonished to hear him say “Oh about 80%”. Why would I consider surgery with such high odds?!?! The only response he offered was that the healing would likely be a few weeks quicker. I had never heard of anyone having really successful back surgery so I was not going to consider that route without exhausting my other options. I did get an epidural, but then decided to try some alternatives. I had recently met some practitioners in alternative healing professions. First, was a sweet Reiki energy practitioner who offered to come to my home and gift me a session. How generous! I could not even lay flat on the table and she was so kind and patient with me. While the pain was still strong by the end of the session, I could tell that it was slightly less intense.
I took a class in Reiki energy healing after that. I had also met a chiropractor that had gotten into the profession after having suffered a broken neck in a car accident. Doctors told her she might never walk again. She not only walked again, she thrived and has dedicated her life to helping people recover from pain and injuries. I saw her for almost 2 years and was amazed at the results. She did a lot more than just chiropractic. At the end of that time the pain in my lower back gone, but now the pain had traveled to my neck and down my right arm. I was told that this often happens with injuries to the spine. I had also become friends with a woman originally trained as a physical therapist and then as a craniosacral therapist. She asked if I would just try 1-2 sessions. I thought, what do I have to lose? I went to see her and was intrigued by this oh so gentle thing she was doing. I couldn’t even tell that she was DOING anything, but about half way through I felt so relaxed. I have described the feeling at the end of a session as “being Blissed out”, all was well in the world! I had an inner peace I hadn’t felt in this way before. And then the most miraculous thing happened! After the 2ndsession the pain was gone! I was so excited… and hooked! I continued having sessions as I realized they really calmed me down.
Besides the physical pain I had been in for the past 3 years, my life was falling apart in other ways. On one of the worst days of my life I just happened to have a session scheduled (there are NO mistakes!) and even though I was devastated by the direction my life had taken, this work not only calmed me, but gave me the strength to keep going and to think about the future and what I could do to welcome a better life for myself. I felt like I had options. When I look back on this time of my life, I know this work helped me stay focused and even more important, helped me feel supported.
Around that time, I decided to go to massage school. I wanted to help people as I had been helped and I wanted to work for myself. Though the training was valuable and a step in the right direction, I knew it was not exactly what I could see myself doing for work over the long term. What it did do was get me in touch with the energetics of bodywork and gave me the confidence to consider that I could learn how to be a BCST practitioner.
It has been a journey that has helped me get to know what I needed for my own self care and a large part of that meant calming my nervous system. The more I learn the more passionate I become about how valuable this work may be for others. I’ve always been a sensitive person trying to function in a world that does not always recognize, nor see the value in being sensitive or know how to relate to sensitive people. Instead of continuing to beat myself up for being “too sensitive”, I realized it is my sensitivity and intuition that is my strength! I now do work that honors, supports and develops these qualities in ways that help me live a happy and successful life. I feel happier, empowered, more present and available to life than ever before and I know it is a result of all of my experiences and all that has lead me to NOW. Life is amazing, challenging and amazing! If we can recognize, even search out and remember the amazing parts, the challenging parts might just be worth the struggle and help us keep going. Even with the life experiences I’ve had, I am still an idealistic person. It’s not always an easy practice, but finding and cultivating our resources, such as craniosacral therapy, a good friend or therapist, physical activity, or art and creative pursuits, can support us in all aspects of living an amazing life! As a community, we can do this!
